Funny

Great Quotes: Mean Girls on Shakespeare

"Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!"

Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chabert) in Mean Girls

Screenplay by Tina Fey

Harry—the dirty dog.

Harry was a white dog with black spots who liked everything, except…getting a bath. So, one day, when he heard the water running in the tub, he took the scrubbing brush…and buried it in the backyard. Then he ran away from home. He played where they were fixing the street and got very dirty. He played at the railroad and got even dirtier. He played tag with other dogs and became dirtier still. He slid down a coal chute and got the dirtiest of all. In fact, he changed from a white dog with black spots to black dog with white spots. Although there were many other things to do, Harry began to wonder if his family thought that he had really run away. He felt tired and hungry too, so without stopping on the way he ran back home. When Harry got to his house, he crawled through the fence and sat looking at the back door. One of the family looked out and said, “There’s a strange dog in the backyard…By the way, has anyone seen Harry?” When Harry heard this, he tried very hard to show them he was Harry. He started to do all his old, clever tricks. He flip-flopped and he flop-flipped. He rolled over and played dead. He danced and he sang. He did these tricks over and over again, but everyone shook their heads and said, “Oh no, it couldn’t be Harry.” Harry gave up and walked slowly toward the gate, but suddenly he stopped. He ran to a corner of the garden and started to dig furiously. Soon he jumped away from the hole barking short, happy barks. He’d found the scrubbing brush! And carrying it in his mouth, he ran into the house. Up the stairs he dashed, with the family following close behind. He jumped into the bathtub and sat up begging, with the scrubbing brush in his mouth, a trick he certainly had never done before. “This little doggy wants a bath!” cried the little girl, and her father said, “Why don’t you and your brother give him one?” Harry’s bath was the soapiest one he’d ever had. It worked like magic. As soon as the children started to scrub, they began shouting, “Mummy! Daddy! Look, look! Come quick! It’s Harry! It’s… It’s Harry!” they cried. Harry wagged his tail and was very, very happy. His family combed and brushed him lovingly, and he became once again a white dog with black spots. It was wonderful to be home. After dinner, Harry fell asleep in his favorite place, happily dreaming of how much fun it had been getting dirty. He slept so soundly, he didn’t even feel the scrubbing brush he’d hidden under his pillow.

I Cannot Live With You

by Emily Dickinson

                               I cannot live with you,
                                        It would be life,
                                   And life is over there
                                      Behind the shelf

The sexton keeps the key to,
Putting up
Our life, his porcelain,
Like a cup

Discarded of the housewife,
Quaint or broken;
A newer Sevres pleases,
Old ones crack.

I could not die with you,
For one must wait
To shut the other's gaze down,
You could not.

And I, could I stand by
And see you freeze,
Without my right of frost,
Death's privilege?

Nor could I rise with you,
Because your face
Would put out Jesus'.
That new grace

Glow plain and foreign
On my homesick eye,
Except that you, than he
Shone closer by.

Life is fine by Langston Hughes

I went down to the river,
I set down on the bank.
I tried to think but couldn't,
So I jumped in and sank.

I came up once and hollered!
I came up twice and cried!
If that water hadn't a-been so cold
I might've sunk and died.

But it was Cold in that water! It was cold!

I took the elevator
Sixteen floors above the ground.
I thought about my baby
And thought I would jump down.

I stood there and I hollered!
I stood there and I cried!
If it hadn't a-been so high
I might've jumped and died.

But it was High up there! It was high!

So since I'm still here livin',
I guess I will live on.
I could've died for love--
But for livin' I was born

Though you may hear me holler,
And you may see me cry--
I'll be dogged, sweet baby,
If you gonna see me die.

Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!

A Dream Within A Dream

by Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?